A Year of Firsts: Facing fears, Wiping Tears & Jumping For Joy

Racing heart, sweaty palms, clenched teeth ; See the picture above? Exactly . . . This is how I face my fears. This image of my daughter, Charlotte, is a great visual representation of me stepping out in faith this year. She hangs there, scared to death, almost in tears, struggling with everything in her, but she refuses to let her fear immobilize her. Would she succeed, would she fail? She didn't know. It was her first time on a jungle-gym. She trusts in me. Mama is right there ready to catch her or kiss a boo-boo. That trust coupled with determination is what has her hanging there. This year is full of many firsts. There is fear. fear of failing massively. Fear of putting myself out there. to be judged and rejected. Fear that I absolutely had to start conquering with blind faith. God didn't lead me to where I am to watch me freeze in fear. All I knew is that I wanted whatever He had for me. WiII I succeed ? I don't  know But, I am determined and trust in Him, to catch me or Kiss my boo-boo. 

So with all of these firsts ( which I will get to in a moment), things have been extremely bittersweet. All my life I have been seen with a camera in- hand. My absolute favorite thing to do. My mother was my greatest cheerleader! She always just knew that I would become a photographer. Even after I told her I would never do it professionally - "strictly hobby, Mama". I would tell her. She shook her head and would say, "uh-huh!"(with that sarcasm that I knew so well). She was sure of me and I was sure she was crazy. Remember that fear I just told you about? yeah! Last year, after a long battle with sickness, My cheerleader left me. She passed. My heart, friend, my mama was gone. And now, a year and a half later, as I embark on my year of many firsts, My cheerleader only cheers in my heart. With all the Joy that these firsts, comes a great sadness.  I do not get to share with my favorite lady..  Many tears - tears of great joy and of great pain.